Men and women are known to have lied and cheated before. But then there's another level of deceit; carrying a double life. Not just a one night stand with another person but a full fledged on going relationship where neither parties have a clue about each other.
I say that takes a lot of energy for one person to juggle two lives with a full-time job.
Sad to say, it's happened to me. And I was the other woman! We first met through a mutual person and the relationship seemed cool. I wasn't ready for nothing serious yet but he was. We carried on and he was very attentive and affectionate.
A few months after he moved away to start a new life. We tried the long distance relationship but that soon fizzled. After a year or so later, he moved back to NYC. We reconnected and rekindled our relationship. This time I should have looked at all the warning signs, but by choice I ignored them since I wasn't serious with him.
The fact that he wasn't as available as he used to be and he would talk on the cell phone outside when I went to visit him. I'm not a clingy or needy type of individual and enjoyed my freedom as well, so I rarely asked questions about his deceit.
He did admit he had a girlfriend who was pregnant before he had moved but they since had broken up and he claimed she had an abortion. I still was skeptical about his behavior and knew he wasn't the same person he was before his move. I should have let him be on that alone but instead I kept my distance and didn't give him too much of myself.
We did spend some time together, every 2wks we would see each other since we both had hectic schedules, we never asked too much of each other's time until I moved into my own apartment and he began coming to see me more often. He mentioned he wanted to move in, I told him it wasn't a good idea (his behavior wasn't relationship standards). I wasn't going to allow him to move in with me then one day I was involved in a near fatal car accident where I was thrown out of my vehicle's windshield 60ft.
I had went through a transformation after that day. I had a new lease on life, loved everything and everyone in it. This wasn't my usual self, always cynical. Now open and accepting everything and everyone. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and opened my heart to him, the wrong one, at the wrong time, unbeknown to me as to who I was really dealing with.
I let him move in, he was there day in and day out, only to leave to go to work. But I should have read the signs I ignored due to my heart being open and my eyes shut.
The signs that show when a man is just there to pass time, and everything else that's important, I'm not involved in (he's in my life, I'm not apart of his). I hadn't met his family, he never brought his older daughter I met in the beginning over. He kept his distance yet was always wondering what man was trying to talk to me.
I thought we were working toward something with baby steps, I had no clue that six months after he moved in he would take me to dinner to break the news that he was moving out the next day.
I thought to myself, who would do that? Who would just move out without giving someone a notice well in advance. How can someone just drop a bomb like that during a nice dinner? I knew he was looking for a place so he can live on his own, I admired that, but I didn't know he had found one. I was upset and crying that he would leave me like that. Being vulnerable and hurt while still dealing with the after affects of the car accident and having a severe concussion, my brain was still healing, I had already been depressed from having to drop out of college due to the fact that I couldn't focus and had an attention span of 30seconds. I felt helpless and with this news, I felt used and cruelly abused.
He did leave the next day, and he didn't call me for 2wks although I had tried countless times. He finally called back but gave me a bullshit excuse as to why he couldn't call.
We carried on our relationship, for the rest of that year, until one day, my girlfriend called me while my boyfriend and I was just going to bed. She was frantic and crying that she had caught her man cheating on her. That he had been seeing another female while he was with her. He had cheated on her before and seemed to need this extra attention from other women it seem on a regular. She had went into his phone and that was how she found out. If a man makes you feel so insecure that you have to go looking through their phone, then you know it's no good. I never would look in my boyfriend's phone, I trusted him. Or so I thought.
The next day, while my boyfriend was in the shower, I had decided to pick up his phone and see what numbers he called and what names they were under since men give pseudo-names in their cell phones to cover their dirt.
I found a number that wasn't mine under "Wifey", and another that read "Batcave." I called both, the one with "wifey" went to voicemail and the woman's voice came on and she said her name. I then called the "batcave" and the same woman answered. I said, "sorry, wrong number" and hung up.
I then ran to the bathroom and asked him if 973 is Newark, he answered, "yes, why." I ran out the bathroom and he chased me to the bedroom door but I was able to lock and close the door as he touched it. I called the "batcave" number, which was their house number, she answered. It was that same girl he said was his ex-girlfriend who had an abortion. I found out that she had known about me as his friend, that she knew he lived with me, "as his friend." We were definitely more than just friends I told her, I mentioned somethings he had said to me and found out he told her the same; about getting us engagement rings, got her a kitten, then gave it to me, and about moving to another place. I felt like I was living a lie. How did I allow something like this to happen to me. I fought within myself struggling between who I was and who I've come to be; girl before accident vs the girl I had come to be, weak. I was vulnerable, and he took advantage.
Every man has a reason as to why they lead a double life. They can have the best woman any man would want under their arm, yet they find a need to live a double life because something is missing in them. Whether they think the grass is greener on the other side or that living this type of life is challenging and exciting, or that one woman has what the other doesn't, so they fulfill a need to have both which will meet all their needs is a selfish behavior that ends up ruining families.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Heart vs. Mind / Affectionate vs. Logical
Everyone has had their share of drama in relationships. I have a variety of friends, all strong minded, so how do we end up in the relationships that have turmoil? There's always a struggle between our hearts and our minds, and which we should let govern our decisions at that moment. If you have to struggle, then I say go with your mind, there wouldn't be a fight between the two if it was easy, right? It's always easier said than done because our hearts don't allow it to be over just yet. So when is it over? When we have exhausted all the good out of the relationship and you are left with only pain? I've always looked back at my serious relationships and wished I had left when I still had some dignity left.
I had a discussion one time with one of my friends about what type of woman do men want. Do men prefer a less educated woman who is attentive, affectionate, at their man's beck and call, who supports her man in all that he does. Doesn't fight, complain, or have an opinion. Who cooks, cleans, takes care of the home, kids, and is dependent on her man for everything. Or would a man prefer an independent and educated woman who is independent and about her business, goes out with friends having a life outside the relationship as well, who expects her mate to contribute to half of everything, and who sometimes is opinionated, showing she has a mind of her own.
I've seen men who like the ones who stay home and take care of everything, I myself think that's a man who likes to have control. Then there's men who enjoy having an independent woman & yet some are intimidated. I have been both, changing to suit my ex and what I believe he wanted. But I wasn't being true to who I am, I'm just not domesticated.
I had a discussion one time with one of my friends about what type of woman do men want. Do men prefer a less educated woman who is attentive, affectionate, at their man's beck and call, who supports her man in all that he does. Doesn't fight, complain, or have an opinion. Who cooks, cleans, takes care of the home, kids, and is dependent on her man for everything. Or would a man prefer an independent and educated woman who is independent and about her business, goes out with friends having a life outside the relationship as well, who expects her mate to contribute to half of everything, and who sometimes is opinionated, showing she has a mind of her own.
I've seen men who like the ones who stay home and take care of everything, I myself think that's a man who likes to have control. Then there's men who enjoy having an independent woman & yet some are intimidated. I have been both, changing to suit my ex and what I believe he wanted. But I wasn't being true to who I am, I'm just not domesticated.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Trey Songz Album Review
So when you want to unwind with your loved one you might score more than just points with Trey Songz new album “Ready”.
This album was released on August 31 of this year charting at # 3 and selling almost 150,000 copies the first week.
This album features the hit singles, “I Need a Girl”, Successful” with Drake and Trey Songz, and “LOL J” This blend of hip hop, R&B, and pop are exemplified by tracks like “Black Roses”, where Trey croons over a distorted guitar.
Third time around the album Ready demonstrates Trey’s growth in every aspect. His vocal maturity along with his ability to twist notes and keys with such ease while showing and increasing breadth of subject matter makes this good listening for just about anyone “Ready” to get in the mood.
This album was released on August 31 of this year charting at # 3 and selling almost 150,000 copies the first week.
This album features the hit singles, “I Need a Girl”, Successful” with Drake and Trey Songz, and “LOL J” This blend of hip hop, R&B, and pop are exemplified by tracks like “Black Roses”, where Trey croons over a distorted guitar.
Third time around the album Ready demonstrates Trey’s growth in every aspect. His vocal maturity along with his ability to twist notes and keys with such ease while showing and increasing breadth of subject matter makes this good listening for just about anyone “Ready” to get in the mood.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Vera Ibrahim
WKNJ Newscast
September 24, 2009
Good Morning/ Afternoon, it’s Thursday, September 24, 2009 at____ o’clock and you’re listening to 90.3 WKNJ-FM Union, New Jersey, and I’m______ with the News.
In Local News…
There’s been an unusual string of baby deaths in Elizabeth that has the Union County prosecutor’s office investigating. Although foul play is not suspected in any of the deaths, Dr. Thomas Hegyi (Heg-yee) said it would be unusual but possible that the babies passed from sudden infant death syndrome within an eighth day period. Autopsy results could take a couple of weeks.
In National News…
Arrests were made after high profile raids prompted nation wide terror warnings. Investigators were searching for anyone that might have been behind the alleged terror plot beyond an airport shuttle driver and two others. The driver, 24yr old Najibullah (Na-gee-boo-lah) Zazi and his father, a New York City imam, Ahmad Wais (Wah-ees) Afzali have been charged with lying to FBI investigators trying to uncover the terror plot. They are scheduled for detention hearings later Thursday in Denver and New York. Authorities say they found bomb making instructions on a hard drive on Zazi’s laptop but unsure of specific target or scope of a possible terrorist attack.
In International News…
U.S. President Barack Obama will be presiding over a special session today of the UN Security Council to halt the spread of Nuclear Weapons. Heads of state of the Security Councils 15-member nations will meet to discuss a resolution drafted by the U.S. that sets numerous goals towards Mr. Obama’s vision of a “world without nuclear weapons” It’s calling all nations who haven’t joined the 41 year old Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty to do so and it also urges nuclear nations to set condition on exporting nuclear materials.
In Sports…
Russia’s richest man, Mikhail Prokhorov, has a deal to buy a controlling interest, at least 80%, in the NJ Nets and nearly half of a project to build a new arena in Brooklyn. Prokhorov’s Onexim Group announced the deal Wednesday with Forest City Ratner Co. and Nets Sports & Entertainment. They’ve signed a letter of intent to create a strategic partnership for the development of the Atlantic Yards Project. NBA Commissioner, David Stern, is praising the move saying it’s a chance for NBA to expand globally and ensures that the Nets will have a new arena. The deal will have to be approved by the NBA’s board of Governors.
In Entertainment News…
Beyonce won’t be “naughty girl” at a show in Malaysia. Beyonce Knowles has sung about partying like a “naughty girl” but Malaysians expect her to be on her best behavior for a concert next month in their Muslim-majority country. The country’s largest opposition group the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party has criticized the R&B superstar and wants the authorities to scrap the Oct. 25th show because Knowles, who’s known for her provocative clothes and choreography, backed out of a concert two yrs ago after the Islamic party threatened to protest her show. Party officials have not planned any demonstrations for next month’s event.
Today’s Weather…
Rain is back in our weather if you didn’t notice the ground was pretty wet this early morning. Its 75 degrees now and throughout today it will be partly sunny and unreasonably warm; A High of 81 degrees and light winds blowing West Northwest at 9mph and tonight will be mostly cloudy, with a low of 58 degrees cool and dry with winds blowing North Northwest at 9mph. The sun will set at 6:51 today.
WKNJ Newscast
September 24, 2009
Good Morning/ Afternoon, it’s Thursday, September 24, 2009 at____ o’clock and you’re listening to 90.3 WKNJ-FM Union, New Jersey, and I’m______ with the News.
In Local News…
There’s been an unusual string of baby deaths in Elizabeth that has the Union County prosecutor’s office investigating. Although foul play is not suspected in any of the deaths, Dr. Thomas Hegyi (Heg-yee) said it would be unusual but possible that the babies passed from sudden infant death syndrome within an eighth day period. Autopsy results could take a couple of weeks.
In National News…
Arrests were made after high profile raids prompted nation wide terror warnings. Investigators were searching for anyone that might have been behind the alleged terror plot beyond an airport shuttle driver and two others. The driver, 24yr old Najibullah (Na-gee-boo-lah) Zazi and his father, a New York City imam, Ahmad Wais (Wah-ees) Afzali have been charged with lying to FBI investigators trying to uncover the terror plot. They are scheduled for detention hearings later Thursday in Denver and New York. Authorities say they found bomb making instructions on a hard drive on Zazi’s laptop but unsure of specific target or scope of a possible terrorist attack.
In International News…
U.S. President Barack Obama will be presiding over a special session today of the UN Security Council to halt the spread of Nuclear Weapons. Heads of state of the Security Councils 15-member nations will meet to discuss a resolution drafted by the U.S. that sets numerous goals towards Mr. Obama’s vision of a “world without nuclear weapons” It’s calling all nations who haven’t joined the 41 year old Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty to do so and it also urges nuclear nations to set condition on exporting nuclear materials.
In Sports…
Russia’s richest man, Mikhail Prokhorov, has a deal to buy a controlling interest, at least 80%, in the NJ Nets and nearly half of a project to build a new arena in Brooklyn. Prokhorov’s Onexim Group announced the deal Wednesday with Forest City Ratner Co. and Nets Sports & Entertainment. They’ve signed a letter of intent to create a strategic partnership for the development of the Atlantic Yards Project. NBA Commissioner, David Stern, is praising the move saying it’s a chance for NBA to expand globally and ensures that the Nets will have a new arena. The deal will have to be approved by the NBA’s board of Governors.
In Entertainment News…
Beyonce won’t be “naughty girl” at a show in Malaysia. Beyonce Knowles has sung about partying like a “naughty girl” but Malaysians expect her to be on her best behavior for a concert next month in their Muslim-majority country. The country’s largest opposition group the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party has criticized the R&B superstar and wants the authorities to scrap the Oct. 25th show because Knowles, who’s known for her provocative clothes and choreography, backed out of a concert two yrs ago after the Islamic party threatened to protest her show. Party officials have not planned any demonstrations for next month’s event.
Today’s Weather…
Rain is back in our weather if you didn’t notice the ground was pretty wet this early morning. Its 75 degrees now and throughout today it will be partly sunny and unreasonably warm; A High of 81 degrees and light winds blowing West Northwest at 9mph and tonight will be mostly cloudy, with a low of 58 degrees cool and dry with winds blowing North Northwest at 9mph. The sun will set at 6:51 today.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Actuality Assignment
Vera Ibrahim
Oct. 12, 2009
Prime Minister's children get scrutinized over Goth attire.
TRT: 1:30
Media Journalism
Prof. Mirrer
Vera Ibrahim: Track 3
President Obama posed for pictures with Spanish prime minister Jose Zapatero and daughters Laura 16 and Alba 13, the two children were unknown in their country since Spain has strict laws about keeping children out of the public eye. Since the pictures were scattered across several Spanish papers, it was the first time many had a glimpse of the prime ministers family. Unfortunately the children were scrutinized for their goth style wardrobe. I’d like to know if you feel their criticism for their goth attire is justified.
I have Florencia Scuderi here with me, and I’d like to ask her
Florencia Scuderi: Track 1
It’s just wrong because there are a lot of people all over the world that dressing in the same attire that they are using and they are nice people, if you look at the world around us there are dressing the same way, and it’s just not right.
Vera Ibrahim: Track 6
I have Shalima Cruz with us and I’d like to ask you do you feel their criticism of their goth attire is justified.
Shalima Cruz: Track 2
I don’t think it’s justified, just because they are two young girls trying to identify and become their own as individuals.
Vera Ibrahim: Track 10
Thank you both for your thoughts, as far as I am concerned I don’t feel anyone should be criticized for their attire those are just children just trying to express themselves, people need to give it a break when it comes to trying to talk about people in the media. There are much more important things to talk about. And as far as that goes, everyone have a great day.
Oct. 12, 2009
Prime Minister's children get scrutinized over Goth attire.
TRT: 1:30
Media Journalism
Prof. Mirrer
Vera Ibrahim: Track 3
President Obama posed for pictures with Spanish prime minister Jose Zapatero and daughters Laura 16 and Alba 13, the two children were unknown in their country since Spain has strict laws about keeping children out of the public eye. Since the pictures were scattered across several Spanish papers, it was the first time many had a glimpse of the prime ministers family. Unfortunately the children were scrutinized for their goth style wardrobe. I’d like to know if you feel their criticism for their goth attire is justified.
I have Florencia Scuderi here with me, and I’d like to ask her
Florencia Scuderi: Track 1
It’s just wrong because there are a lot of people all over the world that dressing in the same attire that they are using and they are nice people, if you look at the world around us there are dressing the same way, and it’s just not right.
Vera Ibrahim: Track 6
I have Shalima Cruz with us and I’d like to ask you do you feel their criticism of their goth attire is justified.
Shalima Cruz: Track 2
I don’t think it’s justified, just because they are two young girls trying to identify and become their own as individuals.
Vera Ibrahim: Track 10
Thank you both for your thoughts, as far as I am concerned I don’t feel anyone should be criticized for their attire those are just children just trying to express themselves, people need to give it a break when it comes to trying to talk about people in the media. There are much more important things to talk about. And as far as that goes, everyone have a great day.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Citizen Kane
This movie was interesting to say the least. I was a bit confused in the beginning when he died and then the scene went to him as a child.
He had a good life (seemingly) and built an Empire w/ help from his gaurdian, whom he showed no love or respect for, I believe.
I do feel bad for William Randloph Hearst since all he wanted was someone to love him like his mother did.
Ironically Rosebud was his sled, he left it behind when he had to go away from home w/ the man his mother sent him with so that his father wouldn't hit him anymore.
Ironically it portrayed much wealth, success, but all that he really wanted was love, so he left his wife and child for it, he cut off his gaurdian for it.....whatever he could do it was so he could receive love, yet didn't know how well to give it.
He had a good life (seemingly) and built an Empire w/ help from his gaurdian, whom he showed no love or respect for, I believe.
I do feel bad for William Randloph Hearst since all he wanted was someone to love him like his mother did.
Ironically Rosebud was his sled, he left it behind when he had to go away from home w/ the man his mother sent him with so that his father wouldn't hit him anymore.
Ironically it portrayed much wealth, success, but all that he really wanted was love, so he left his wife and child for it, he cut off his gaurdian for it.....whatever he could do it was so he could receive love, yet didn't know how well to give it.
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